17-year-old moves in with his grandparents because he doesn't want to follow his dad's girlfriend's rules: 'I told her she's not my parent and she doesn't get to demand respect.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 17, 2026 8:00 PM EST

Why should she get to waltz in and announce a bunch of new rules?

When is it okay for a parent's boyfriend or girlfriend to discipline their child? In many cases, the answer is "never." Some stepparents have been part of their stepchildren's lives for years, but still don't feel they have the right to scold or enforce rules as their parents do. Honestly, that might be the way to do it. It's better to be safe than sorry, and unless your stepchild considers you their mom or dad, acting in a parental role could lead to resentment. 

Not all stepparents feel like they can't enforce rules with their stepchildren. After all, they are one of the adults who are around them the most. It would be confusing if one of the adults in your home ignored your bad behavior while the other did not. The most important thing is that stepparents don't make new rules without input from the stepchild's parent. That can cause confusion and resentment, especially if the rules are too strict or contradict existing rules. It's important to give the kids in your life structure, but if there are so many different rules coming at them from their parents, grandparents, school, and stepparents, you can't expect them to keep them all straight without becoming a nervous wreck. Household rules need the parents' stamp of approval before they take effect.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • Man in blue crew neck t-shirt and black pants sitting on the curb
    via Fethi Benattallah

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The stepmom in this story is way out of line. Heck, she isn't even a stepmom yet! She's just a dad's girlfriend. The dad's son, a 17-year-old who has split his time between his grandparents' house and his dad's, has decided to live with his grandparents full-time after his dad's girlfriend tried to impose a bunch of new rules on him.

  • Am I the bad guy for deciding to stay full time with my grandparents because I don't want to follow rules set by my dad's girlfriend?

    My dad kinda shared custody with my grandparents most of my life. He had legal custody but they would help out by taking me for several days or a whole week or two during the month.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • I (M17) was still close to my dad and we still had time for us and he was involved.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • But when his work kept him late it was easier for me to have another home to stay in vs getting home late or being on my own.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • My dad and grandparents had the same household rules and I never had an issue with them.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • A man and a woman sitting next to each other
    via Đào Việt Hoàng

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • About a year ago my dad started dating someone new and she seems fine but she has a lot of rules and a lot of things she's strict about that dad isn't.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • When dad told me he decided to move in with her (by moving to her house) I asked him how that would work and he said I'd need to follow her rules and she was pretty clear about that to him.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • He also said she would be enforcing the rules and I would basically need to treat her like she's him or my grandparents.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • I didn't wanna follow her rules. They were so different from the rules I know and I find some of her rules to be extreme.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • Because I didn't think it was fair to ask my dad to wait to move in with her, I asked my grandparents if I could live with them full time.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • They said yes and dad was upset but he told me if I wanted to do that then he'd make sure we spent time together.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • I now live with my grandparents and dad lives with his girlfriend. She's offended I chose to live with my grandparents and she's offended I didn't want to follow her rules.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • She tried to insist on some of her rules even though I don't live with her.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • Like having dinner with her and her kids and taking part in making the meal with them.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • Two smalls girls eating dinner
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My dad wouldn't even be there most of the time. She also wanted me to join them Sunday for her planned family time.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • I work Sundays so that was already a no but even on my day off I don't want to be obligated to spend it there.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • She expected me to help her niece move into her place too and she has her kids helping with that (it's one of the rules that you help family move and cancel any plans you have to do it).
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • My grandparents were surprised she was trying to make me follow her rules from her house and dad told her to stop, which she sorta did.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • But she said she still found it to be bratty that I would rather live apart from him than follow her rules.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • She also said I wasn't showing her the respect she deserved and I told her she's not my parent and she doesn't get to demand the same kind of respect where I do what she says.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • NUredditNU she's out of her mind. Talk about dramatically over reaching! NTA
    via u/NUredditNU
  • SlowAnon77Yx6 Original Poster's Reply That sums her up. Her and her rules are not for me and she's making that more clear by the day.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • Top-Bit85 NTA. She sounds awful and I hope she and her rules drive your dad away soon.
    via u/Top-Bit85
  • SlowAnon77Yx6 Original Poster's Reply Honestly I hope so too. I can see it happening if she makes me less willing to answer the phone. Which I could see happening if I think it could be her using dad's phone to call. She's also making a better point for me to say no to living with her because she's this serious about those rules with someone who doesn't live with her.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • tomdombadil Your experience with your step mum sounds a lot like my experience with my step mum at that age. She was the worst and she still is 20 years later. It irreparably damaged my relationship with my dad as he became a spineless sack who just did what he was told and never stuck up for his kids to protect them against his bu y of a wife. I respect you for not tolerating this. Sorry you're dealing with it too. After years of low contact I ended up blocking her last year and have no regrets
    via u/tomdombadil
  • SlowAnon77Yx6 Original Poster's Reply She's not actually my stepmom right now. Maybe in the future she'll be my dad's wife but they're not engaged or anything so it's crazy for her to try and do this sh and at my age she'll never be my parent.
    via u/SlowAnon77Yx6
  • Practical-Cup-4828 NTA. She is not your parent or guardian and you do not live in her house. She doesn't have any standing in your life other than as your fathers girlfriend. She has no authority to demand you respect her as a parent or try and lay down any kind of rules or requests. As long as you treat her respectfully and with kindness (in as far as that is how you should treat people in general), you are all good. However, i would suggest that either you or your grandparents, need to have a
    via u/Practical-Cup-4828
  • Hoplite68 NTA. Your father was a part time parent and shared that with your grandparents. He has chosen to move in with a woman who has children and a lot of rules. You opted to not move in and she's upset because she's constructed a narrative and you're not doing what she wants. Her issue is control, and she can't control you and her boyfriend is doing what she wants by making you, ergo she doesnt have complete control over him. Block her number and tell your father that you won't he having. an
    via u/Hoplite68
  • Kelarie NTA - it sounds like she counted on a free worker that she could command. Just say no.
    via u/Kelarie
  • Sensitive-Eagle3641 Did the girlfriend help you move to your grandparents' place? Does she cook for you and your grandparents? She only claims you as family when she wants something. She just wants OP to be a free au pair.
    via u/Sensitive-Eagle3641
  • Ok_Childhood_9774 NTA and I'm so glad your dad and grandparents gave you the option to live with them, but shame on your dad for letting her dictate her rules for his 17 year old son. He should have simply said no, that he would be deciding for you. GF can kick rocks. It sounds like she was hoping for a babysitter for her kids and living with your grandparents thwarted that plan.
    via u/Ok_Childhood_9774
  • Catching-Up-Today NTA You are 17 years old, not a 7 year old . Her kids are not your responsibility, she is not your family. Your grandparents are awesome for letting you move in.
    via u/Catching-Up-Today

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

rules teenager step siblings house stepmom parenting girlfriend dad grandparents custody
Scroll Down For The Next Article